Holy Bartender for Tazering Nuisence Children

So there's an elevator at work. It's compliant, it does its job well. In fact, as far as elevators go this one is my current favourite, it hasn't let me down.. atleast not at a speed where you'd have to pick me up with a sponge afterwards.

Children shit me off. Not all kids. Just most though. Three of which have been coming into work with family the last 3 weeks, they are roughly 8ish, 9ish & 10ish respectivly. They are mouthy little rodents too, they always backchat and screem no when told to do something. I think they need a good beating. Just putting it out there. Like our dads gave us on occasion, like their dads gave them whenever they fucked up, and like their dad's dads gave their dads as an alternate form of communication after a long day at work. I.e. whips with a jug cord in morse code .... .. / -... --- -.-- --..-- / .... --- .-- / .-- .- ... / -.-- --- ..- .-. / -.. .- -.-- ..--.. / .. / .... . .- .-. -.. / -.-- --- ..- / .- -.-. . -.. / - .... .- - / - . ... - / .-- . / ... - ..- -.. .. . -.. / ..-. --- .-. --..-- / .. .----. -- / ... --- / .--. .-. --- ..- -.. / --- ..-. / -.-- --- ..- .-.-.-
(Go here to decode if you care: http://www.qbit.it/lab/demorse.php)

Seriously, my dad would say "Do this" and you'd do that cause you'd get as far as "N-.." before you tasted blood and teeth, but not now, oooooh no.
Child:
"I want skittles!"
Beautiful mother with long well kept hair, flawless understated makeup, fashion sense to die for, dutiful housewife, amazing lover, out shopping for the family, focused on balancing their dietary needs while keeping costs low:
"No Eva." 
Little shit replies, stamping her foot:
"GIMME SKITTLES!!" 
Now even more beautiful mother due to the slight look of annoyance, still trying to just get the shopping done:
"I said no Eva." 
Little shit, screaming loudly through tears:
"SKITTLES!!!!" 
Exceptionally gorgeous mother looking embarrased trying to avoid making a bigger scene whispers loudly:
"Here take the shit and just shut up, people think I've smacked you. Mummy can't have others think she beats you because then the government will take you away and give you to another family where you'll be mis-treat..... FUCK YOU AND YOUR SKITTLES!! Petulant little shit!!" *wha-pap across the face*

Ok so maybe I added my preferred ending to that one.

I mean I wouldn't say the three children in question deserve a spanish snap-kick to the squishies, but I wouldn't protest too hard if these particular three were given gloves and made to go a round with Mike Tyson. Just one. Tyson would be all like: "Yieh scream 'No!' now bitch!"

I'm not saying I'd watch it, cause that would be sick, but I'd be there by the door as they were stretchered away, bruised and broken, perhaps borderline comatose to say "Now keep the FUCK OUT OF THE ELEVATOR!!"

Holy Bartender