All parking spot thieves should drown in a house fire.

Back and angry.

Whom ever removeth the sword from my skull shall be crowned king.

C*NTSLAP TROGHAMMER, this is the name given the pond scum that recently slimed its way into the apartment block my newly ex-ified girlfriend lives in. I do not live in the apartments, however I was staying there for a prolonged period of time. There is enough parking for all the apartments. The apartments have 'allocated' parking spots in front of the building and are marked on on dark bitumen in large 'FUCK-ME-there-it-is' white paint. The spot marked "1" is for apartment 1, so-on and so-forth.

While staying with my ex I parked in the spot allocated for apartment "3", the one marked... 3. I did this for some time. Cock-slap-testicle-merchant moves in and systematically parks in every tenant's spot, each person kicking him out with a nasty letter. Aforementioned dick-sneeze parks in my spot and I figure I should go confront him about it in a diplomatic and civilised manner. I shouldn't have.

Had I have left a note saying "move or there will be knifings", desired results may or may not have been achieved sooner. However, not afraid to confront and discuss things with people, I knock on his door. The bogan that stood before me was of a shit kicking ilk I was yet to encountered; the prepared, excuse filled diplomat bogan. I know, impossible I thought, rubbish, I continued.. This guy doesn't exist. This 45-ish year old dick tab is not actually standing in front of me smiling in a douche bag way knowing that there is nothing I can do to remove him from my spot. He tells me that he spoke with the body corporate person and the numbers on the ground mean nothing.

I promptly left his place feeling like I should kick his door in and stake him, ridding the world of this day walker. However, what is wrong with me.. I can't justify doing anything about the spot.. because I'm moving out in a week to live in my own spot. So now I'm stuck in a position where I feel my honor needs upholding, a dangerous position I know, however there is no reason to do anything about it because it doesn't affect me any more.

Okay, I will admit, I over reacted.

The river of consciousness cascading over the rocky edge of my honour, gaining speed and crashing hard on the stony bed of my pride were thoughts of having his car towed.. maybe just keying it? Slashing the tires perhaps. What about writing on it in flammable gel, lighting it to permanently scar his hood with 'douche bag'. Personally, having him come out in the middle of the night to a flaming message on the hood of his car has a certain level of artistic flair about it and is a favourite of mine for this reason. Even just taking a dump on the windshield and smearing it all over, I know what your thinking, but, a small price to pay to smite one's enemy. What can I say, a vato turns primal with regards to territory, I realise I can be a mean vato ey.

Yet, all talk no substance so far because all I do is nothing, I sit back and have the heavy darkness fester and evolve inside. Maybe a walnut cake is required. With macadamia nuts inside, smothered in Nutella, garnished with desecrated coconut in the hope that he has a serious nut allergy.. Hmm yes.. deviously delicious.

Holy Bartender

P.s.
I know it's desiccated.