Gimme… a Holy Bartender

Pre-ten-tious [pri-ten-shuhs] –adj., a) Characterized by assumption of dignity or importance. b) Making an exaggerated outward show.

I am not a holy man; in fact few things are more pretentious than someone referring to themselves as holy. It is in fact true that I am a bartender though. I am a barman who has found that with age comes a forever dwindling sense of modesty. Why be modest if you’re genuinely good at something. Few will blow your horn for you, therefore blowing it yourself is the only option. Personally, if I could blow my own horn, leaving the house would be a much harder decision in the morning. However I do enjoy having others blow my horn it must be said.

Pretty sure I will write however the hell I want to. In whatever style, perspective, genre or form I wish.

Holy Bartender,

Spewing great vitriol.

Entertainment.

Eat Haiku fools! Haiku are fun and challenging.. much like Sudoku for poets. I mean, my vocabulary needs to evolve a little more obviously, but the restriction put on you is fun in the beginning. It's like new jox, it may be a little uncomfy to begin with but eventually you adapt and all is right with the world.

Rabbit Runs,

Shotgun pepper mist.

Crimson snow glade.

So, my name sums up pretty much my thoughts about what this blog should be; truth wrapped up in an over exaggerated lie with the assumption of being important enough to be available for others to read.

The shit I spew here @ holybartender.blogspot.com is all entirely true. Except for that which is not. Except for all that is embellished, too outlandish, changed, re-biased, slanted, straightened, re-slanted and so forth. It will often be an exaggerated version of the truth. It will be entertaining, you will laugh, you will cry, it will change your life. If it isn’t, well it clearly wasn’t written for you so kindly off fuck.

The truth is an excuse for lack of imagination. There may be occasions that I lack imagination though.. hopefully you won't notice due to the 'boy-who-cried-wolf' effect and we'll all remain happy.

Holy Bartender

P.S. (Plugged Shamelessly)

Holy Bartender was originally coined in the Kevin Smith film Dogma. If you are yet to see it and are not drastically or extremist-ly offended by religious theme based comedy films then I highly recommend it. In the film, fallen angel Azrael, played by Jason Lee (awesome and funny in one actor, how does this happen…), requests a Holy Bartender. When the barman is unaware of how to make it, Azrael shoots him repeatedly. A dark joke I know, however moments later Jay, played by Jason Mewes, finally puts it together and laughs, the actual punch line in my opinion.